Cancer Part 4 - Chemotherapy and the Scary Day

After my surgery in February 1999, they determined that the chemo had basically done nothing. I had undergone months of hell and the chemo had killed less than 20% of the tumor. In terms of fighting cancer, anything less than 90% is deemed to have been ineffective. Needless to say we were discouraged at best. I will get into my surgeries in another post as well, but after I recovered from that surgery, the chemo started all over again.

They changed up my drugs this time. My next round of chemo started on Tuesday March 2nd and this time it would be 4-5 days in the hospital straight, no return trip home in between. The new meds were adriamycin, as before, along with ifosfamide and methotrexate.

I was always getting high doses of the chemo drugs, but that was about to get ratcheted up. The adriamycin would be administered as a drip (instead of a push as before) over a couple of days, then a full day IV drip of ifosfamide. The last would be methotrexate. The amount of that drug would be 10 times the lethal dose for someone of my size. I would therefore be given an antidote along with the drug to keep it from destroying my digestive tract along with the tumor.

I was only able to undergo 2 treatments with methotrexate. My body did not metabolize it. I spent about 6 days in the hospital taking the antidote with blood analysis for the level of the drug in my system every 6 hours or so. They poked my arm so much it developed scar material inside and they had to start poking me somewhere else.

On April 13, 1999 they told us they were discontinuing the methotrexate. It was causing damage to my kidneys. Not long after, they discontinued the adriamycin as well. It was causing heart damage.

The most ironic thing is that twice I nearly died, and both times were caused by the chemo, not the cancer. Once was at Christmas time in 1998. The other was the summer of 1999.

On Thursday, June 10th, 1999 Glynna wrote the following in her journal:

Chad nearly died Monday night. Chad had been in intensive care (ICU) all week due to his low blood pressure (49/16) and difficulty breathing. He is improving, but recovery is slow.

I almost died on Monday, June 7th. Over the weekend I had been experiencing a lot of pain in my chest and difficulty breathing. Saturday night I started coughing up blood and I had a fever. We called my doctor and he told me to take something for the fever and get some rest and see how I felt Monday. Sunday I was very lethargic, and early Monday morning I woke up because every breath was a new experience in pain.

Glynna called my doctor and he told us to get to the hospital. Of course, knowing now how close to death I was, we know we should have called 911, but at the time I had been through so much that we thought it was just another thing. Glynna called my dad to come take me to the hospital so she could stay with the kids and we tried to get me out to the living room.

I could not stand up without passing out. I crawled, with Glynna pulling on me, into the living room. I was sitting on the couch, nearly unconscious when my dad arrived. Glynna and my dad tried to carry me to the car, but I ended up crawling the last few feet. I could not stand up. At the ER, they brought out a gurney and a couple of guys helped me get onto it.

I do not remember much from that morning.

I remember someone holding me up against an x-ray machine because I could not sit up enough for them to x-ray my chest since I passed out so easily. I remember about 6 or 8 people rushing around in the ER room, putting in IVs into the back of my hand (OUCH! worst place for an IV), talking to my dad, taking my blood pressure. Before I knew it I was taken up to a room.

It was not long before my doctor arrived and looked me over. He immediately sent me to the ICU. I remmeber vaguely being wheeled into the ICU room, then it all goes blank. For the next 3 days or so.

I understand that night they told Glynna that I would probably not survive the night, that she should go be with me for a bit one last time just in case. I don't remember any of that, and I am glad that I don't. I can't imagine what it would have been like to go home to your 3 small children, trying to figure out how to tell them their daddy died last night. Sorry for the melo-drama, but that is what hits me when I think about what that night must have been like for her.

I had pneumonia, brought on by the destruction of my immune system by the chemo. The chemo had greatly suppressed my bone marrow, which means my body had stopped producing white blood cells, which fight infection. Bone marrow also replenishes your blood supply. Your body replaces your blood supply every few weeks, and your blood cells naturally die off and are replaced in that time period. Since my bone marrow was basically dormant due to the effects of the chemo, it could not replace the missing red blood cells. Also, I was partially dehydrated, so that meant my blood fluid level (plasma) was very low. They doubted I could fight off the infection, and even with transfusions they thought I would not be able to last long enough for my body to start to support itself. Luckily, this was one of the miracles we witnessed as part of my battle with cancer.

As of June 12th my blood pressure had improved to 98/42. If you don't already know, normal blood pressure is usually somewhere around 120/70 give or take. 49/16 is barely readable on blood pressure instruments.

I would spend 9 days in the hospital. At the end, I was begging them to let me go home. Being in the hospital is bad, not because you are sick, but because it is BORING. More boring than you can imagine. Math class boring. Long lines at the DMV boring. Only worse. You can only watch so much TV and read so much and play so many mindless games (I must admit however that a little hand-held monopoly game really saved my sanity quite a bit during that year), until you are ready to pop.

My monopoly game.

After that my chemo was done. They had given me, literally, MORE than what should have been my lifetime limit for more than one chemo drug. The adriamycin in fact they continued past the point of my lifetime limit, giving me a dose, then giving me an EKG to ensure my heart was not yet damaged, then another dose of chemo. This continued until the EKG showed damage to my heart, then they stopped. The methotrexate I could never use again as my body could not handle it and it damaged my kidneys. I was done with chemo, probably forever since there were several drugs I could never have again. Hopefully, I will never need them.

I went in for some follow-up scans to see what if anything was left of the tumor. Standard scans like MRI and CAT scans showed nothing, but they did a couple of other scans to look for the tumor in ways the CAT and MRI scans cannot.

Both of the other scans are part of what they call nuclear scans. That is, they inject you with a radioactive isotope that then attaches itself to the tumor, and then they scan to see where the isotope collected. If there is tumor remaining it will give them a "hot spot" on the scan.

First, I underwent a PET scan. That is a postitron emission tomography scan. Here is a picture of a PET scanner.


A pet scan is done by injecting a radioactive glucose solution (glucose molecules attached to a radioactive isotope) into a vein. You then lay quietly for an hour. Then they put you in the machine. The idea is that your organs use glucose at different rates. By lying very still you allow the glucose to be absorbed by the organs that use it the most at rest. This includes your brain, heart, and liver...as well as cancerous tumors. Since tumors are typically growing at a rate faster than any other organs in your body, they will use more of the glucose. You are then scanned by a device that can "see" the radioactive isotope that was attached to the glucose, which can then give you a picture of the active parts of your body, which includes tumor material.

The results of the PET scan were negative, there was negligible tumor material remaining. It was about what they thought it would be. The tumor was not completely eradicated, but what remained was less than they thought would be there.

This was followed up by a bone scan, which is similar to a PET scan, but uses an isotope that is designed to attach itself to bone material, so they can see if any of my tumor picked up the isotope, since what I had was a bone cancer tumor. This was mostly to look for metastasis, or migration of the cancer to other parts of the body. This also came back negative.

So far, so good.

Since the scans came out ok, the next step was what to do with the remaining tumor. It was decided to send me to Loma Linda University for Proton Therapy, and that will be the subject of a future post.

Next posts: Surgeries and Proton Therapy.

Cancer Part 3 - Chemotherapy

In the early fall of 1998 we were sent to Dr. Alton Wagnon. He would be my primary oncologist through this entire mess. This is when reality set in. In our 2nd or 3rd meeting, Dr. Wagnon had researched my cancer enough to lay out a plan of attack...and let us know what the odds were. Less than 15%. I had less than a 15% chance to be alive after 5 years.

Osteosarcoma in the trunk, especially in the area of the chest, and encroaching on the spinal cord, is VERY rare. I cannot remember exactly how many cases he said there had been in the literatue he researched, but it was in the low double-digits. Most often osteosarcoma occurred in teens in the long bones (legs, arms, etc.) and resulted in an amputation to remove the disease. In all surgeries involving malignant tumors, the goal is to remove the tumor with a margin.

It was explained to me to think of the tumor as the pit of a peach. In the surgery, they want to remove the entire peach. This makes it much more likely that you will survive as the cancer cells can be migrating in the space around the tumor, and removing that extra tissue means you are keeping the cancer from growing. This is different from metastasis, which is when the cancer moves to entire other body parts (lungs, liver, lymph nodes, etc.) but along the same lines.

Keep the cancer from growing or moving, kill it, and remove it, and maybe you will survive.

In my case removing a margin was impossible. My tumor had grown into my spine and was beginning to encroach upon the dura, or the lining of the spinal cord. So, since you can't live with a good 3 or 4 inch chunk of your spin removed, there was no way to remove the tumor with a margin.

So we had to hope that chemotherapy would do the trick. Heavy chemo and lots of it. I had the good, and bad, fortune of being young, big, healthy, and relatively strong. This meant a heavier load of chemo than most people get. My doctor told me that during his 30 years as an oncologist he had never adminstered these drugs in such heavy doses before. Lucky me, huh?

My first chemo treatment was September 15th, 1998, a Tuesday. We arrived at the hospital early in the morning and they ushered us to a room. The nurses came in with all the admissions paperwork and took my blood pressure. I cannot remember the exact numbers but I can tell you that it was 170-something over 110 or in the 1-teens. That is EXTREMELY high. I never have felt so much anxiety in my life. They gave me a few minutes to calm down to get my blood pressure down and once it dropped below 90 on the low end, they started the IV.

My first regimen of chemo consisted of 2 drugs, adriamycin and cisplatin. Both were IV administered. The cisplatin was given as a drip over a day and a half, and the adriamycin was a "push". They used a huge syringe to put it into the IV and pushed it at a measured rate. The really freaky thing is that adriamycin is bright red. They call it the red devil.

I know it was mostly in my head, but when I say that line of red in the IV enter my arm, I could feel it hit my body. It was a horrid feeling. Like that full-body shudder you get when you think about eating something vile, or see someone throw up, or see a graphic picture, like of an open wound. I could taste it too. It was kind of a faint metalic taste, almost like chewing on aluminum but not that strong, kind of in the back of my throat.

I was in the hospital for 2 days, receiving cisplatin in a slow drip, and a push of adriamycin. They then sent me home overnight, and I went back the next day for a second adriamycin push.

This was the regimen for the next few months. 2-4 days in the hospital, then home for 3 weeks.

Rinse, repeat.

I cannot describe to you what chemo feels like. I am sure it is different for everyone, but for me the best way I can describe it is to imagine the worst flu you have ever had...the body aches, the runny nose, the woozy kinda half-awake half-passing out feeling, the head aches, but especially the body aches...then multiply that by about 1000. Everything hurts.

I could feel my hair, until I lost it anyway. How is that for weird. And it hurt. It was almost impossible to get comfortable, because it hurt to touch your skin...well hurt is not exactly right, it was like it was over-sensitive, like when you have a really strong fever, and it bugs you for anyone to touch your skin. It also made me feel restless, like I had ants crawling on me...not so much itchy as, well, squirmy maybe.

After about 2 days another disquieting sympton set in: my hearing and vision changed. I felt like I was in a tunnel, everything around the periphery of my vision was blurred, my hearing was like I was inside a tin can. Everything sounded muddled, no sharp tones, no highs and lows. Take your speaker system and turn the treble all the way down, and the bass all the way down, and the mid-range all the way up and that is close.

Another change was to my senses of taste and smell, and of course, nausea. The chemo attacks cells that are rapidly dividing, and the cells in your digestive tract (mouth, throat, stomach, intestines) replace themselves more frequently than any other cells in your body, which explains why chemo patients get sick - the chemo is actively attacking your gut, so you throw up. I could no longer taste sweet very well, and sour was muted too...so everything tasted salty and bitter. Ice cream, soda pop, chocolate, pizza, ketchup, everything. Ice cream has more salt in it than you think. I could taste it. And all I could smell after a time seemed to be the chemo itself.

Everything smelled, and tasted...I don't know...wrong. Just wrong.

With that change, and the fact that throwing up had become the norm, it was small wonder that I lost around 75 pounds while on chemo. I gravitated to foods that I expected to fit this profile anyway: salty and/or bitter. Dark chocolate was ok. I ate a lot of chicken soup and other broth-based soups, since they were expected to be salty. Pizza was ok too, but it upset my stomach.

I took anti-nausea pills (anti-emetics) to help with the nausea, but they were only partially effective. One of them was experimental at the time and cost more than $80 per pill. Crazy.

Along with all this come lethargy, weakness, mouth sores, sleeplessness and countless other annoyances, from little to big, that are things you might not think about when you think about someone having chemotherapy. At one point I had to go get my driver's license renewed, and in the photo I look like death warmed over. I could have passed for a 60-year old man who was not in good health.

Another intersting thing was that where they put in the IV in my arm for these first few chemo treatments I experienced calcification of the vein. You could feel it like a stick under my skin and see it as a dark line. The vein closed off and they had to find a new place to give me the chemo. This resulted in my second surgery, to implant a portacath.

It was implanted just under the skin on the upper right side of my chest, and attached to the muscle with a suture. The catheter was threaded around my collar bone and down straight into a vein leading into my heart. They accessed the portacath by jabbing a needly a little thicker than a thumbtack stright through the skin into the center of the portacath. There are lots of fun stories about this as well, that I might get to in another post...like the time the nurse was new to this and hesitated, then glanced the needle off the edge of the cath under my skin and jabbed it into my chest wall instead. FUN!

Here are a couple of pictures of the actual portacath they inserted into me, along with the needle marks from accessing it.

In this one you can see the needle punctures and even a gouge in the metal from when they "missed" when inserting the needle.

The worst part about the chemo was what it did to my psyche. I know that you truly cannot undestand if you have not been there. I felt like I was not really alive, but just kind of "there", and I did not want to be anywhere anymore. The worst thing probably was how my mood changed. Glynna remarks on this in her journal at that time. I felt dark. I was mad at God and ready to give up. The really bad thing is that for the next year, it did not get better. I had my moments, the times in between the chemo when I recovered somewhat, the good days (we were looking at some of the pictures from that time and remembering that good things happened that year too), like Halloween and Christmas. But in lots of ways I did not recover from that dark feeling.

Later my doctors would label it post-traumatic stress disorder, but that is another post.

On September 30th, my hair started falling out. Jordan and Glynna pulled it out in clumps. What was weird, and what you can see in these photos, is that it does not all come out. I learned that is because chemo drugs work by interrupting cellular mitosis, meaning they affect cells as they divide. Your hair follicles divide fairly regularly for your hair to grow. But some of your hair is "dormant" for a period of time, and so the chemo won't work on it. Here are some pictures of that time.





Now, here is the handsome devil we all know and love!

This first regimen of chemo lasted until a few weeks before Christmas, 1998. I had receovered enough to have a nice Christmas. I remember feeling ok, or as ok as I had up to that point. It was as good a time as we had during that year really.

The next trial was about to begin. That will be the topic of my next post, but to give you a sneak preview, I spent about a week in the hospital battling pneumonia caused by the chemo over New Year's.

And I will finish the story about chemo in another post. Sorry for the long read.

Facebook

I, along with the rest of my family, have become a facebook junky. It is great fun and a fantastic way to reconnect with old friends, make new friends, support one another...and PLAY. Well, I have totally neglected my 'blogging' because I have been too busy visiting and farming on facebook. (If you want to know about farming, just check out facebook.com . It is fun, but I hear there are a lot of other really fun games too, such as Vampire Wars and Fashion Wars, to name a few.) Sadly, I could not log on to the facebook site at this time, due to 'maintenance' issues or something like that. The good news is, HERE I AM AGAIN! Yeh!

On the second, I started a post entitled, 'Glynna's Health Log 2009'. I did not finish it and ended up deleting it, since it was old news, so I will give it a shot again. I thought if I am accountable to 'the internet world', maybe I will stick to my goals better. :)I am weighing in every Monday morning at the gym. My goal is 135 pounds. My highest weight was 225 pounds back in the early spring of 2005. My size 20 jeans were too tight for me so I was wearing elastic pants or sweats because I refused to purchase a size 22. I decided it was time to do something about this. I was uncomfortable and depressed all the time. I could not sleep very well because my hips and back hurt so I tossed and turned all night. I started walking with a friend/neighbor of mine in Fernley, NV. By May, I had lost 10 pounds and was down to 215 pounds. I could fit into my size 20 jeans again and I was just elated. I loved exercise again, but food (namely, chocolate and pastries) was a great challenge for me to control. So, I decided to join Weight Watchers. One year later, in June, 2006, I became a lifetime member of Weight Watchers and have been an advocate for the program ever since. Attending meetings faithfully was key for me. I loved the support and the valuable information taught each week, and, of course, I needed the accountability. All of the people who work for Weight Watchers 'have been there and done that' so they are terrific supporters. They totally understand how hard it is to lose weight and keep it off. I even worked for WW for a few months. My ultimate goal is 135 pounds, but I set my Weight Watchers goal at 155 to become a lifetime member faster. I got my weight down to 147 pounds over the summer of 2006, I was a size 10, felt fabulous, and was sleeping through the night without a problem at all.

Anyway, about a year ago, or so, I started putting a little bit of weight back on. I have gained 20 pounds back. I weigh 167 pounds as of yesterday's weigh in. And, I know EXACTLY why. It is because I STOPPED ATTENDING WW MEETINGS EVERY SINGLE WEEK. For the past two weeks I have been back on track. I am exercising regularly and keeping track of what I am eating. I was a little frustrated that I did so well last week and did not lose one pound, but I know from past experience that if I persevere - and I will - that the weight will come off. This time I will not quit at 147 pounds (if my 40 year old body will allow it) and I will reach my real goal of 135 pounds.

Well, that is it for now...I've got to go see if I can get back on Facebook before the Daycare kids wake up from their naps...hee hee.

I hope you are all having a fabulous start to your new year! I certainly am. I know Chad is out of work right now and I only have two full-time daycare kids, but I have really enjoyed having Chad around. He and I are great friends. We really enjoy one another's company...and isn't that just how it should be in a marriage. I am very happy and very grateful. I love you honey!

Cancer Part 2 - Biopsy

(NOTE: As this is the 10 year anniversary of my diagnosis with, and treatment of Osteosarcoma, I thought I would recount my memories of the significant moments in that year. Read part 1 here.)

The date was August 6th 1998, coincidentally, and fortunately, 3 years to the very day that I started to work for Autoliv in Brigham City Utah. Fortuntately because after 3 years of service I was eligible for full short term disability, 80% of my salary, vs. just 40% is I went on disability any earlier. One of many blessings and miracles, if you choose to see it that way, that we experienced through this entire ordeal.

We had been referred to a neurosurgeon to consult on what to do about my tumor, discovered in the MRI I had in July. We were sent to a neurosurgeon because the MRI revealed that the tumor encased the nerve roots at C7, C8, T1, and T2 and partially at C6. By the way, this link gives a pretty darn good approximation of what they did when they fused my spine in February of 1999.

These are designations for vertebrae, particularly in the cervical spine (neck) and the thoracic spine (upper back). C6, C7, and C8 are the lower-most vertebrae in the cervical spine and the very next is T1, the top-most vertebra in the thoracic spine.

The nerves that come out of these vertebrae make up what is called the brachial plexus, a junction of the nerves that come out of the spine at the lower neck and upper back and go into your shoulder and arm. Most all of the nerves that control the arm come through the brachial plexus. My tumor was smack-dab in the middle of the brachial plexus and all of the nerves there went right through the tumor. Since the danger to damage these nerves was very great, a neurosurgeon was necessary to ensure that at little damage as possible was done.

August 6th we went in for the first of what would be several surgeries over the years. The plan was to go in above the colar bone and simply pull the tumor out. It was assumed that the tumor at this point was benign and that would likely mean it was like a balloon and could just be pulled out through a relatively small incision. Here is the scar this and subsequent surgeries left behind (luckily kind of hard to see, but more visible in real life).

I was nervous more than I thought I would be for this surgery. We just did not know what this would all mean to us, and the threat of cancer loomed, even though the doctor was reasonably confident it was not cancerous. Cancerous tumors in this part of the body were just too rare. The odds were against it being cancer. Still, I wondered.

The surgery lasted about 5 hours, pretty short compared to others I have had. In the end, the tumor was not like a balloon, it was more like a mass of peanut butter. It stuck to everything. The doctor did all he could to "debulk" the tumor to at least give me some relief of the pain that started all this off, and he took material for a biopsy. It turns out that "sticky" tumors indicate they are encroaching on surrounding tissue, meaning they are spreading aggressively, which is a prime indicator of cancer.

One interesting side effect of this surgery is that they cut nerves that control some of the autonomous functions on the left side of my head. My left eye droops just a little now, and I don't sweat on the left side of my head. It is literally like a line. When I work out or play basketball or whatever you can actually see a line on my forehead, sweat beads visible on the right side, dry as a bone on the left. This also means I overheat very easily since I do not sweat enough to cool my head down. I guess I have truly become a hot-head through all this!

I also am largely numb across the upper left part of my chest. This started with this surgery and got worse with other surgeries. Also, no hair grows there. Weird. The little things you just don't think about in situations like this. Really adds new meaning to "the devil is in the details".

I recovered just fine from the surgery. One rather funny memory is when I was in the hospital (I was there for about 3 or 4 days I think), and I was on pain meds. They had be hooked up to a machine that would dole out a specific dose of morphine when I pushed a button, then would not give me any more for a certain amount of time, then would give me another dose and so on. My sisters came to visit right after I had pushed that little button and I was somewhat loopy. I had a big grin on my face and they asked me if I was alright. I responded with "Now I know why they call it MORE-phine...cuz you just want more."

You take what laughs you can get, right?

I need to look up the exact date, but it was nearly a month later that we met again with the neurosurgeon. They had sent out the tumor material for testing and the results were grim. Glynna and I both sat in his office after he gave me a once-over to see how I was healing. He then sat down and told us that they tests had come back positive. The tumor was malignant.

Osteosarcoma, he said. Bone cancer.

We were both kind of in shock at that point. What do you say about that? The tears did not really come in force until we got home. I was scared, but I really had no idea how bad it would get. We were then referred to Dr. Alton Wagnon, my first oncologist.

I remember telling my dad. He was supportive and understanding and just awesome about the whole thing. My dad is just that way, one of the best people you could ever hope to know.

The news came as a pretty big shock for my whole family. My paternal grandmother had died of cancer when I was about 7. I could vaguely remember that. My brother-in-law, Art, had died of cancer while I was on my mission, a mere 7 years before, to the very month I received my diagnosis. I could not imagine how hard that was for my sister to relive some of that horrible time through me.

Uncertainty is a terrible feeling, and up to that point I really did not understand the phrase "all we have to fear is fear itself". Our lives changed dramatically on that day, in some ways for the better, and in other ways for the worse.

I turned 28 in 1998. And I graduated from college. My kids were 5, 3, and 1. I had been married for 6 years. And I had cancer.

That's all folks...

Well, that's it.

My last day with Cummins passed with little fanfare. I got to say goodbye to everyone I worked with at the warehouse, and I was very happy to see that everyone was, for the most part, in a pretty positive mood. It was a little somber to say "Nice working with you. Glad I got to know you. Good luck." knowing most of them I would never see again. I didn't shed any tears until the drive home, and I think that was mostly just letting the stress out.

I guess on the plus side there is no more winter commute. Save gas too. Also, I may have a chance to sleep in for a while. That would be nice. And...no more meetings! Woohoo! Well, that's about all I can think of for the bright side kind of stuff, pretty lame huh?

I truly enjoyed my almost 2 years with Cummins and honestly do not hold any bitter feelings for them letting us go. It is just business after all. I just hope this round of cuts was enough and no one else will have to lose their jobs. That no one else will have to wonder what comes next far sooner than they should have to worry about that.

I have put out some feelers, and have been contacted by a couple of head-hunters, but nothing concrete has come along yet as far as jobs are concerned. I am hopeful about a possibility in Phoenix which is the best lead yet. I am sure I will hear more from them after the holiday, but you never know, right. All that stuff about counting your chickens applies here.

The one thing that will make this a harder transition is that if I am going to have a real chance at finding something quickly, then we will likely be moving again. Very few jobs in my field at my level in Utah, far more in other states. As long as I recognize that I can at least focus my search in the southern lattitudes. It will make it a little less painful on Glynna to at least move where it is warm.

Of course, the first and best plan is to stay put, let the kids finish out school here. This next move will be hardest on them. Glynna and I knew going into it that moving up in my career would likely mean moving, and we are adventurous enough that it is actually something we enjoy. But we have to think of the kids too. For them it will be harder. We have uprooted them enough. God willing, we will stay here.

I have checked most all job boards I can think of, and have even registered with a few pay sites, like The Ladders. (that link should take you to my resume....if you know anyone looking for a logistics manager, feel free to pass it along =) I am pretty confident something will come my way, hopefully before the severance package ends. If not, all we can do is put it in God's hands and trust that he has better things in store for us, whatever they may be.

So goodbye Cummins. I will miss everyone I worked with. It was the best job I have ever had...

...so far!

Stop the world, I want to get off!

Long time, no blog. How many times can I use "busy" as my excuse for everything? In fact, December 2008 has just been a whirlwind for me. Thanksgiving was here only a moment ago and now the New Year is around the corner. Did Christmas even happen? Well, my photos are proof that it did. I warned all of the Todd family that I had four years of holiday photos to make up. They did bear it, but I can't guarantee they were grinning about it. ;P I will take this opportunity now to thank all of you for being gracious about my photo frenzy over the past several weeks and to thank those of you who found photos to share with me due to my very devastating loss.

I hope your holidays were happy. Considering the crazy past few weeks we have experienced, our holiday was nice. You have all heard the phrase, "when it rains it pours". Well, boy have I got a CRAZY example of that! It is so crazy I feel more like laughing about it than crying! First of all, at the beginning of the month I lost a family of three kids that I was prepaid for (meaning that I depended on a fairly large sum of money at the beginning of the month which I did not receive), then, Chad's car, which is not even two years old, broke down on our way to a business dinner in Salt Lake, (Chad's parents had to come from Ogden to pick us up that night and then go back the next morning to tow Chad's car back to the dealer for repairs), then Chad was abruptly informed that his facility was closing and all of the employees, including himself, were being let go at the end of the month, then our furnace quit working...HELLO! December...cold..., and then all of our favorite grandpa-and apparently, a favorite for many people-died.

The good ending to this story is that Grandpa and Grandma are reunited...and I got to have all of my siblings and my Mom and Dan, not to mention my cousins, Kyle and Brenda, all in my home at the same time. That part was fabulous...especially listening to Blaine and Bryn sing, smelling Theresa's amazing cooking, and watching Angie harvest crops and blood online...hee hee. (If you want details on the blood thing, you'll have to ask her...hee hee)

I'm not complaining. It has just been a crazy month. As always, my blogs are late at night and I have a lesson to teach tomorrow. Thank goodness next week our church meetings will be starting at one o'clock in the afternoon. Whoo hoo! I love afternoon church. What else can you do on Sunday? Hello! Sleep in! ha ha.

Anyway, Chad has been giving me a photo posting lesson. I was going to post some Christmas photos as well, but we are having a few technical difficulties so Chad will figure out the problems and I will post Christmas photos next time. I will explain the four I did actually upload to the blog.

The first one is of Chad with his crew at the Cummins facility in Salt Lake. The second one is of Bodie being taught to leave no evidence of dessert...cake? What cake? The third is a photo of my mom, sisters, and me.

Love you all!

Hey, while we were all together, why didn't we take a sibling photo?! Poop! (Is that ok to say on the Internet?...HAHAHA), and, thank you, Jesse, for the lovely little goodbye gift on Theresa's rental. Those cute little snowmen did not last though. Shortly after your departure, Chad started using the poor little guys as snowballs. Aaaaah...

Other things to think about...a positive note and the start of my cancer story (so Cancer Part 1, I guess)

I was just thinking about things that are happening to us right now, and it got me reminiscing, which made me think of something I have not posted about yet: 2008 is the 10 year mark for my cancer diagnosis. 10 years is quite the milestone for cancer survivors. The 5-year mark is kind of the pinnacle of cancer survival, since at that point it basically means you have the same chance of a cancer recurrence as anyone else has of developing cancer. So 10 years is special as it means I have doubled that time. Not bad considering my doctor initially gave me less than a 15% chance of beating it to begin with.

10 years. Wow.

In October 1998 we received the news that I had osteosarcoma (bone cancer).

I had been having pain in my upper back, neck, and down my left arm for some time in late 1997 and early 1998, but I was nearing the end of my college coursework and was too caught up in graduating to get it checked out. I finally, just before graduation, went to my boss at work since I thought it might be work-related having been in production for several years. They sent me to a therapist who recommended and electromyogram. Here is the key point of this test:

The skin over the areas to be tested is cleaned with a special soap. A needle electrode that is attached by wires to a recording machine is inserted into a specific muscle.

So the point is they stick a needle into a muscle to find a nerve and then shock it so they can see on a machine hooked up to your hand if the nerve is blocked or not. Got that? Needle in muscle to shock the be-jeebers out of a nerve, ON PURPOSE!

Can you say "ouch"?

Actually it was more like "HOLY MOTHER OF PEARL STOP STICKING THAT PIN IN MY ARM YOU SADISTIC..." well you get the idea. =)

The doctor stuck that thing in my hand and arm about every 6 inches (back of my hand, just past my wrist, middle of forearm, at the elbow - that was fun, shocking the crap out of my funny-bone, hah hah hah, see me laughing - etc.). Then I find out the test told them nothing. Greeeaaat!

That prompted an MRI. They were pretty concerned so I actually got my MRI on July 4th if you can imagine that. That was also, incidentally, the day of my last paid haircut. I have not been to a barber of any kind since then.

I went in that afternoon for my MRI. They gave me a Valium to help me relax and then they strapped me into the MRI table. [note: the Valium basically did nothing...I would come to find after 8 years of various kinds of treatments and surgeries, and probably thousands of percocet, lortab, codeine, etc. that I have a VERY high tolerance for narcotics of all kinds.]

I had a cage bolted over my head holding my head in place and pressing on my chest so I would not move at all during the test. That ended up being a bad thing, since it only exacerbated the feeling of being trapped while I was, well, trapped in the machine. In the middle of the MRI they stopped. They told me they had to have someone come look at the images and that they needed to take another image. All this time I am in this tube that could barely hold me and my gut. I started begging them to let me out, but they said they did not want to mess up the orientation. It was a bad experience at the time and made it so I can now only do an MRI if sedated.

Anyway, I found out what made them do that. They wanted to be absolutely certain of what they had to report, to make sure they were really seeing what they thought they were. Unfortunately, it was exactly what they thought it was.

When they finally unstrapped me, they had me wait around to talk to my doctor. I kind of guessed at that point that it was not going to be to invite me over for punch and cookies. On the phone the neurologist who ordered the test told me they found a mass in my upper back and neck (technically the brachial plexus area). It was about the size of a large orange or my fist and was nestled under my shoulder-blade, up against the top of my rib cage and under my colar bone. Later we would find out it encroached on the spine as well. The sharp shooting pains I had been experiencing in my left arm and neck were a result of the tumor pressing on and pinching my ulnar nerve against my colar bone - in essence I had the feeling of having smacked my funny bone good and hard all the time.

My doctor actually did say "tumor" at the end of our discussion. "Mass" sounded better.

I then called Glynna and my mom and dad and told them they had found a tumor. I was sick and numb all at the same time. But I had no idea what was to come, and maybe that was a good thing.

I will say I have had more enjoyable Independence Days.

A fine Merry Christmas to me...more bad news

I hate to keep posting bad news, but this last week was a doozy. My boss and our HR rep came out last Monday from Kentucky, unannounced. I had a phone call scheduled with him on Monday, but had no clue he was coming here until he literally walked into my office. I figured that can't be a good thing...and unfortunately I was right.

They told me that Cummins was trying to be proactive about the current economic environment. We already had seen our daily shipping volume decrease by about 20%, which necessitated dropping 5 people from our work force. The decision now was that they need to consolidate operations within markets, meaning they only want one distribution center in North America. So they are shutting us down and we are all being laid off. Our last official working day is December 30th.

Some Merry Christmas, huh?

I am a little worried about finding a new job. We have a neighbor who has been out of work for 9 months. I hear about more people losing their jobs and not being able to find anything. It is somewhat scary. I am hopeful, however, and I think I have a good background to get into something else relatively soon. It will probably pay off that I have experience in many fields and have worn many hats in my career. I hope it will anyway.

I guess come January I will have some more time to blog. I do get a 3 month severance package, so that will help. I am also going to get certified in daycare so we can take on more kids in Glynna's daycare, Kiddlywinks. I guess that was pretty good forsight, huh? We can effectively double her income, and my mom is thinking about joining us instead of her current job, which will help even more. Of course we may be driven nuts with that many kids running around the house, but I hear that duct tape can work wonders! =)

I will use this space to keep everyone updated on my job hunt. I am also considering putting together a "resume blog" with the hope of luring in potential employers.

You can also check out my profile on LinkedIn.

I guess that is about it for now.

Chad's Weight Loss Update

I really did not want to push Glynna's wonderful post down further on our list, but it is time to provide an update on my weight loss because I hit a milestone this week.

As of 2 days ago, I broke the 240 lb barrier.

I now, according to the Weight Watchers scale at work, weigh 239.6 pounds. Since I started this journey right after our trip to Reno and the Grand Canyon, and since I did not take any "before" photos in an official way, I am using a picture of me from our trip that highlight where I was before and where I am now.

281 pounds

Here we are at Hoover Dam, June 18, 2008. This is me at my heaviest in the past 2 years (yes I did weigh more 3 years ago, and before I had cancer I hit my highest - 293).

239.6 pounds

Here I am today, September 28, 2008 - wearing the exact same shorts I was wearing at Hoover Dam in the picture above. That is exactly 71 days, or about 0.58 pounds per day.

Not bad, huh?

So, I am halfway to 200 pounds. See you in another 71 days!

Vacation Pics: Vegas and the Stratosphere

OK. This is part 2 of our vacation pictures. Not sure how many parts there will be, but I hope it will end before you get bored. We start off this edition with a few more pics from the wedding (because I got some pics from my mom and dad and they had some good ones). We then have some from our trip to the top of the Stratosphere and a couple of the rides there.

This is why Chris and Kelly chose this resort for the wedding. Behind that mountain is Lake Tahoe. Beautiful.

Me and the prettiest girl at the whole wedding (sorry Chris and Kelly =).
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...and the kids.

Honey and Grampa were overdue for their afternoon nap.

Annie knows what is REALLY important.

I guess I had better include this one. This is me presenting the Best Man Toast (and me without a toaster...yeah yeah, bad joke but whatcha gonna do? =).

Now...on to VEGAS. Whoop whoop!!

Annie, Honey, and Grampa on the top of the Stratosphere.

View of Vegas from the observation deck of the Stratosphere.

Jordan and Zack...appearing suspiciously not up to something. I got my eye on you 2...

The spire of the Stratosphere...actually a rocket ride called Big Shot, at the top of which you are over 1,100 feet in the air. It is very cool because at the top of the ride, you can't even see the Stratosphere building below you. Wow. I almost peed myself (I think Emily did, but don't tell anyone...shhhh).

Aliens we encountered on the top of the Stratosphere. Gorgeous aliens, but aliens nonetheless.

A view of Vegas at night...1,000 feet in the air.

One of the thrill rides, Insanity.

The third ride, X-Scream.



Notice how overwhelmed they were with excitement...

Next post - video (bad, dark video, but video all the same) of one or two of the rides.

...we'll be right back.

It is taking us some time to get back on the blogging track after Glynna and the kids got back from their vacation/family reunion. Soon to be posted:

Vacation part 2 (and maybe 3 if needed)

Reunion stuff

Picture of finished gazebo

More from the weight watchers front (Chad is down almost 30 now...WOOHOO!!)

Jordans first flash animation (if I can figure out how to post flash animations)

Stay tuned...we'll be right back.

Vacation Part 1: The Wedding

In another post I said we would get some photos of our recent summer vacation on the web. Well, things got away from me and I never did post more photos, but now the wife and kids are out of town (HALLELUJ....cough cough...umm..I mean...gosh, I sure do miss them just to death - whew..nice save Chad..heh heh)

...ANYWAY

Here are the long awaited photos. I am sure that droves and droves of you, our loyal readers (all 3 of you) were checking back daily to find out what we did on our trip. Well, here ya go:

First off, Jordan and Emily went to work with me the day we left.

Here are Jordan and Emily pretending to be useful.

In all fairness, they actually did some work...here Jordan was working on a spreadsheet...Emily was working on her Nintendo DS...hard work to be sure!

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We went to Reno to start out because one of my best friends, Chris Palmrose (here in front) was getting married and asked me to be his Best Man (for whatever reason, I think he may have been drunk =).

(above, from left to right: Tim, Phil, Chad, Dennis I think...can't remember... I am just terrible, Kenny, and Chris)

The kids squinting.

Mom and dad.

Beauty and the beast.

Jordan just heard about the cake! Boy is he excited...

Excited? Not so much..

As you can see, Glynna was very excited to dance, especially since as Best Man I had no choice. You can also see that I am good at faking that I am enjoying it.



Quality father-son time.

Coming soon...part 2...

Movie Review: The Dark Knight (warning long post)

Duncan, Jordan and I had a guys’ night out and went to see "The Dark Knight".

This is, of course, the sequel to "Batman Begins" which is a re-inventing of the Batman movie series. The movie stars Christian Bale as Batman/Bruce Wayne, Heath Ledger (rest in peace) as the Joker, Morgan Freeman as Lucious Fox (the man responsible for Batmans outrageous technical equipment), Michael Cane as the lovable Alfred, and was written and directed by Christopher Nolan (who also wrote and directed "Batman Begins").

[editorial note: I am very jealous of Mr. Nolan, as I am exactly one month older than he, so by rights I should have been the writer of this film...and the guy earning millions of dollars...with the ferrari and yacht and such...oh how the fates conspire against us (through no fault of our own, I might add)!]

The very first thing I have to say is that I am very happy someone decided to roll the dice and remake these movies. The first round of Batman movies, with the ever-changing leading actor, the over-the-top-cartoonishness of the stupid villains (and I do mean stupid...if brains were dynamite they could not blow their collective noses), and the overall feel of a "hey, we got you to spend 8 bucks on this piece of crap..nanner nanner nah" bad joke being played on us all. So kudos to Nolan and the gang. They got this one right.

The biggest disappointment, and what is most often a movie-ruiner for me, is that they replaced the actress playing Bruces long-time friend and love interest, Rachel. For me, this is a big deal...not because I necessarily have fallen in love with the actresses (and/or actors...except of course for Kate Winslet in Titanic...but who didn't =), but rather for continuity's sake - in fact the original actress who played Rachel earned herself a Golden Raspberry Award for Worst Supporting Actress. At least in this one, is a very unusual twist near the ending (the first ending, not the real ending), they do something so unexpected that I was able to forgive them for replacing Rachel. I am not telling what they did, just that it worked well for me. Go see it and you will see what I mean

In Batman Begins Rachel was played by Katie Holmes, now of TomKat fame after marrying Tom Cruise who turned out to be the psycho that jumps all over furniture on daytime TV.

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[editorial note: It is unknown (at least to this reviewer...me...who is too lazy to look much further than wikipedia for any meaningful information - hence the links in this review =) why Katie did not return. I heard somewhere that Katie had put her career on hold to carry, deliver, and nurture the offspring of herself and Mr. Cuise, which would amount to an armageddon-level combination of cuteness and psychotic sofa-bouncing, so she had to skip out on "The Dark Knight" to, in reality, save the world. Thanks Katie...we love you (and fear your husband) even more!]

Instead of Katie, Rachel was played by the far over-rated, almost cute-almost ugly, Maggie Gyllenhaal...or she-of-the-so-sultry-eyes-that-they-appear-to-be-melting-out-of-her-face.

I swear, Maggie and Kirsten Dunst are in a contest to see who can close their eyes the most, all the time, and still see enough to keep from tripping on their toy chihuahuas with the $25,000 diamond-and-actual-egyptian mummy gold-encrusted-collars. I think Kirsten is winning, and at least she is very cute. I think Maggie kind of resembles an alien at times.

Sorry, back to the review.

The movie is VERY LONG, 2 1/2 hours to be exact, but actually, in the end, you are happy it is long - I actually wished it had gone on a little longer. It reaches a point where most movies would cut out...you know the "aha, so that is why this all happened" scene after which the director says "AND THAT IS ALL YOU WILL KNOW...NO MORE MOVIE FOR YOU" and you leave saying "Jeez that was a stinker, what a stupid ending"...but then, it does not end. They actually give you a little aha moment - enough of a faux ending that Jordan chose that time to go to the bathroom...more on that later - then the movie continues to a REAL ending that is, of course, setting up the next movie in the series, but at least leaves you feeling like they really ended this movie. It is satisfying.

Now, more on Jordans bathroom break. You better plan on either 1) Taking a catheter or bottle of some kind into the movie with you, or 2) Asking someone to memorize what you may miss, or 3) Just not drinking the 3 gallons of soda you get for 5 bucks in order to avoid missing out on the movie. Usually (as in the Lord of the Ring movies) I do not mind getting up in the middle of a long movie to stretch the legs and empty the...well you understand...but in this one, I did not want to miss a second.

OK...enough technical details.

I thought about giving you a running play-by-play of the film, but I have already bored you long enough. Instead, I will just tell you why I liked the film. On a scale of 1 to 65,000, I would have to rate it about a 58,517 (I guess that would be 4 1/2 stars out of 5, or something inane like that).
I think they captured the true essence of Batman as they had never done before. Batman is supposed to be a tortured soul, a regular guy like you and me, who endures something very tragic, yet finds it in himself to transcend that experience and turn his anger and agony into a force for good. He is the one superhero without modified genes, or who hails from some foreign planet, or who inherited his powers. He is the one hero who decides to be a hero. To me, that makes him one of the best heroes we have in modern literature (Iron Man is up there too...I still need to review that one too).

In this movie, Batman is put into situations that test his resolve to be the hero. He struggles to find his place, to do what he has to do, in the face of uncertainties and impossible choices. He also faces the best villain ever put on screen: The Joker.

The Joker is played by Heath Ledger, who has put the fine touches on what amounts to the greatest villain ever to grace the screen. I think Heath played the Joker to perfection. He appears to always be carefully balancing on the edge of insanity, and brutal purpose. Heath has, sadly, passed on, so we will not get to see his wonderful acting in any more films, and this does not bode well for this Batman franchise as he is truly the guts of this movie. I cannot fathom anyone doing what Heath did in this movie. He embodied evil in a way few actors have ever been able to pull off, with such flair and reality that at times you find yourself simultaneously laughing, and wondering why you are laughing. There are times you feel you can almost relate to the Joker, and times when you hate him more than the jerky kid in third grade that kicked your dog.

The Joker enters as a small-time hoodlum, with a flair for the dramatic, at a time when Gothams gangs are being hounded by this new crime-fighter...Batman. As what will prove to be the most intelligent of the bad guys, the Joker quickly takes over crime in the city, and sends Gotham into total chaos. Batman is made to feel responsible for many deaths of citizens of Gotham because of his inability to stop the Joker. Indeed the Joker is always at least 2 steps ahead. Even at the penultimate moment, when the Joker seems to have been outdone, he has one more trick up his sleeve. Batman is befuddled, conflicted, and nearly hounded into quitting as Gothams only hope for release from the terrors brought about by the Joker.

I was amazed at the writing combined with Heath Ledgers performance. There is one point in the movie when you actually feel for the Joker, when you can sympathize with him. You actually feel some pity, instead of just raw hatred, of the character until he turns it all on its side later and you realize he has played YOU the same way he has been playing everyone else in Gotham. Brilliant.

Christian Bale, Morgan Freeman, and Michael Cane all give very good performances. I think Christian Bale is the best actor they have found for Batman. I do get somewhat irritated by his gravelly voice being overdone when he is in Batman mode, but otherwise he is the best at covering both the slick, suave billionaire and the rogue-ish, dangerous, conflicted Batman. Morgan Freeman is just good in anything he does, as is Michael Cane. Despite their excellent portrayals of their characters, Heath Ledger truly steals the show.

Oh yeah, Maggie Gyllenhaal is passable. I do not care for her as an actress to begin with, yet she manages to hold her own in most scenes. I have a hard time finding her credible. I am sure many will disagree, but I thought that for the role she was asked to play, she did fine.

The Dark Knight is decidedly dark. It is meant to reflect the conflicted soul of Bruce Wayne, who at once knows he is fighting on the side of justice, but at the same time cannot come to terms with his inability to protect everyone from harm. In short, people die, and he can't stop it, and the Joker continually rubs his face in it. You can feel his pain as he obviously remembers back to being the young boy, watching his parents be killed, helpless to do anything to stop them. This depth of feeling is invoked in this movie to great effect.

The special effects are fantastic. It is not that they are Jurassic Park/Armageddon/Lord of the Rings over the top. Most of the effects are smaller of scale, although there are a fair share of explosions and chase scenes and fights and cool pieces of equipment and technology. But the best effects are at the personal level. Heath Ledgers facial expressions, under the hideous makeup job. Little details that point to conclusions you are not expecting, and even are surprised when they happen, even though you were given a clue.

The best effect was when Batman goes weaving in and out of the wheels off a semi being driven by the Joker with a cable attached to the front of the truck. Batman also weaves in and out of some light posts, then releases the cable. When the cable pulls tight, it pulls the fron of the truck down and the entire trucks flips into the air, back-end first, and flips completely over, end of even, crashing down upside-down in the street. It was done in silence except for the sound the truck was making as it flipped and then landed. Just awesome.

The interpersonal is what really makes this movie a success. You are given characters you can relate to, that you care about (even the Joker briefly), and you are truly affected when they are hurt. At one point a key character is killed (not telling which one) and you are given a scene of friends breaking the news to his family. In spite of the potential for gooey heart-wrenching fake sobbing and such - as we see all too often in film nowadays, crying and sobbing that take the place of actual emotion - we hurt right along with the wife and son, as we are also just at that moment brought to terms with the loss.

We are also given transcendent moments of triumph, and bitter moments of loss, betrayal...in short, they do a fantastic job of recreating in us what is happening on the screen. The suspension of disbelief, which is always necessary for film to work, is almost complete. As is the palpable sense of foreboding when the film comes to its somewhat expected yet completely ominous end.

The movie is not without its flaws, but they are hard to recall because so much of it just works so well. One thing I hope they find a way to revive is the appearance of another classic Batman nemesis: Two-face. They did a very good job of building up the character, and explaining better than other films how he became the villain he is. But his screen time was almost as if they were just squeezing him in to make sure they accounted for Batmans villains, instead of taking the time to flesh out a character that truly has so much depth. I do hope to see him in the future, but I kind of doubt it.

If you enjoy super-hero movies and/or liked "Batman Begins", then I highly recommend "The Dark Knight". Heck, even if you don't care for superhero movies and did not see "Batman Begins", I still recommend this movie. It is a true reflection of what can happen when good men do nothing, to turn a phrase, and when evil goes unchecked for too long.

It is also worth the 8 bucks for Heath Ledgers final performance. The absolute best portrayal of a bad guy in film. The intelligence with which he imbues this character puts all other movie badguys to shame. Regardless of it being a bad guy, and a comic-book bad guy to boot, it just may be the best performance in a movie this year.

So go see it, just don' t take the kids. It is a bit much and, even though Duncan liked it ok, his (11 years old) would probably be the lower end of ages that could understand and deal with the thematic elements in the film in any way.

First Videos from the new Digital Video Camera

We got a new video camera. It is a JVC Everio hard-disc-drive camera (no tapes, no disks, just download to the computer). Here are a couple of videos. I am also trying to learn how to change video size in the computer because these short videos at native resolution are over 100 mb big. Wow.

Yeah, I know...woohoo...real exciting to watch the kids sitting on the couch. Hey, give me a break! I have a new toy and MUST MUST MUST play with it. It is a compulsion. Better than shoplifting anyway.

Okay, here is another one, this one is Jordan and Glynna working on my birthday present. I INSISTED on building it myself, but they insisted even harder that they wanted to build it as it was my birthday present. I am decidedly against giving WORK for gifts!

So that is it for now. Look for more fun videos in the future, and probably a few boring ones as well. IF we ever get the house clean, we will do a video tour for everyone who has not been able (or simply DOESN'T LOVE US ENOUGH) to visit. =)

My own weight loss goals...

I couldn't let the Hive Queen get all the glory by showing off her weight loss, I need to get mine in there too.

I started about a week ago at 281 pounds, which is fine if you are 8 feet tall, but I am not (sadly, otherwise I would be the most famous basketball player in the world). I weighed in last night at 273, so I lost 8 pounds in my first week.

I am doing the following:

Legendary Abs routine. I have worked my way all the way up to level A if you can believe that!

Body For Life weight lifting routine. I like Legendary Abs and Body for Life because they are pretty short, but effective. And heaven knows we all have tons of time every day to put in a 4 hour workout.

Treadmill 20 min, 2X per week and 60 min, 2X per week. This is actually a modified version of the 20 min routine recommended in the Body for Life exercise regimen. I mix it up between going fast on a low incline and going relatively slow on a steep incline. I like the steep incline better as I feel it more in my glutes. HAH!

So stay tune as I recapture my girlish figure. Pictures may follow. View them at your own risk. I will probably have to post an indemnity waiver with the pics.

The Drive Home - Friday Edition

I commute from Clearfield UT to Salt Lake City UT on a daily basis. Generally speaking it is about 30 minutes one-way, but with the construction going on in the I15 corridor through Davis County, it gets pretty ugly.

They are working on a new route through the county from the US 89 and I15 interchange in Farmington and IMHO it cannot be finished soon enough! It looks to be quite scenic, only allow 55 MPH max, and no big trucks. It is only 2 lanes each way but there are times I could kill for 2 extra lanes on the afternoon commute.

I would not mind one bit if the ones to go were some of those idiots driving SUVs, running at full speed right up behind people, cutting folks off to force their way into other lanes who have no clue what that extra little stalk on the left of the steering wheel is, all while talking away on the cell phone glued to their ears - in other words, 80% of Utah drivers.

More... I have driven all over the western U.S. We have lived in Portland OR, San Bernadino CA, Reno NV and visited nearly every major city that lies between them all. I have also driven around such cities as Atlanta GA, Melbourne FL, Seattle WA, Detroit MI, Twin Cities MN, Cincinnati OH and others.

I can say that, again IMHO, Utah has the WORST drivers I have ever encountered. I have never seen such a bunch of street hogs and inconsiderate jerks all in one place before. I am honestly surprised there are not horrendous accidents all over every day I drive home. I think we have just been lucky so far.

I get the biggest kick out of those people who think weaving in and out of traffic, causing all kinds of problems for other drivers, will really get you there faster.

A few weeks ago I left work a little early and had a relatively easy commute. Passing through North Salt Lake, approaching Bountiful, a small red sports-car-wannabe came up on my butt so fast I thought it was a flying suppository. As I braced for impact, he flew by me in the next lane, sraping some dirt off my back fender, causing me to nearly soil myself. I mumbled something about what a jerk he was, but I know he did hear me because his cell phone had become part of his head.

In about 1/4 mile, we encountered some heavier traffic. I could see the Jerk up ahead, about 4 or 5 cars, forcing his way into spaces not big enough for motorcycles. It seemed like every chance he had, every opening he found, he felt the need to change lanes. And it is a good thing he was not signaling, someone may have discovered his dastardly plan and attempted to thwart it!

I lost sight of him when he drove UNDER a semi (well it looked that way to me) and disappeared.

Another 3 or 4 miles go by. We are passing through Centerville. Guess who shows up...now in my REAR VIEW MIRROR. Yes, indeed, it was the Jerk. He again tried to give me a little red sports-car-wannabe enima, then swerved at the last second and slammed on his breaks hard enough that I heard them cry. I thought he would nail that guy for sure, but somehow he didn't. Next opening, he shot through again. Again, I lost sight.

I am approaching my exit in Clearfield. All this time, I have had cruise control on at 64 or 54 in construction. I purchased a Toyota Prius last year, and I am determined to save money on gas (so yes, I am that slow gray car you are swearing at as your roar past in your SUV talking on your cell phone, and I am also that slow gray car that just drives past you as you pour your life savings into the beast...heh heh)

I am sitting at the light, waiting to turn left, and guess who shows up, 2 cars behind me. You know who...SANTA CLAUS...alright that is not true. It was the Jerk (I guess Santa may be a jerk too, but that is another post). After all that weaving and dodging and proctology near-misses, and attempting to kill everyone in his path, I beat him to the exit in my little slow gray Prius.

Funny what kind of things can make your day. That sure made mine.